The day before yesterday, the sun shone dappled light and shadows through the tall plane trees, and the air was filled with a faint fragrance of flowers and youth.
I wore a simple dress and went to a college reunion in a happy mood, looking forward to the joy of reuniting with old friends.
Walking into the private room of the party, I felt warm by the familiar faces. Everyone greeted each other warmly, and laughter and conversation came and went. I found a seat and sat around with a few of my classmates who had a good relationship, sharing their latest news.
At this moment, Li Ting, my roommate in college, took my hand with a mysterious smile on her face and whispered to me, "Qianqian, do you remember Lin Ruize? ”
I was stunned, and the cup in my hand almost slipped off. Lin Ruize, this name, was the sweetest memory of my college days, and it was also the pain I didn't want to mention later.
I took a deep breath and tried to hide my shock: "Divorced?
Li Ting continued: "Just a few months ago, I heard that his wife couldn't bear it because of too much family pressure. ”
I had mixed feelings and didn't know what to say. I have been in love with him for seven years, and I have come to the point of talking about marriage, but I chose to break up four years ago because of the disagreement between my three views, and I didn't think that he would become like this now.
Lin Ruize, the boy who used to explain math problems to me in the library, the boy who held an umbrella for me in the rain, the boy who proposed to me at the graduation ceremony, how did he get to this point?
I think back to our college days, when we were carefree and full of hope for the future.
One winter day in 1993, I was born in a quiet third-tier city in Jiangsu Province. My father was an engineer in a state-owned enterprise, and my mother was a gentle junior high school English teacher.
As the only child in my family, I grew up in the pampering of my parents and lived a carefree life.
My parents are models of free love, they have always had a good relationship, and they are always discussed.
Despite the opposition of my maternal grandparents, my mother firmly chose my father, a young man from a poor but self-motivated family. This love story, like a seed, quietly took root in my heart, filling me with infinite longing and yearning for love.
In 2012, with full of enthusiasm and dreams, I was admitted to a university in Nanjing. Here, I not only learned knowledge, but also met Lin Ruize, my boyfriend, who is also my classmate.
I remember that in his freshman year, Lin Ruize always read quietly in the corner of the library, his eyes focused and profound, as if he could see everything in the world.
Once, when I was preparing for my final exam, I had a difficult problem, and he patiently answered them for me, and at that moment, I had a lot of respect for him and quietly planted the seeds of affection.
As time went on, our relationship gradually warmed up, and I also learned about Lin Ruize's experience.
Lin Ruize comes from a remote mountain village, and although his hometown is surrounded by mountains and rivers, although the scenery is picturesque, the economic conditions are very backward. His parents were simple farmers, and he also had a younger brother who was studying.
Lin Ruize's academic performance has always been among the best, which is the pride and hope of the whole family.
He was very filial and sensible, and in order not to add to the burden on his family, he not only relied on scholarships and grants, but also worked part-time in his spare time to complete his studies.
Our love story, like the most ordinary couples on campus, is simple and pure.
We would study together in the library, walk on the playground together, and eat together in the cafeteria. Lin Ruize is always so attentive, he will buy medicine for me when I am sick, encourage me when I am lost, and share joy with me when I am happy.
However, the good times are always short-lived. As college graduation approaches, we begin to face reality tests. With his own efforts, Lin Ruize entered a well-known company to work, and his annual salary reached 150,000, which is undoubtedly a good start for a young man who has just graduated.
However, with the stability of his job, Lin Ruize's family pressure has gradually emerged. Not only does he have to pay for his younger brother's tuition, but he also has to face the growing financial needs of his parents.
I tried to communicate with him in the hope that he would understand that as an independent adult, we should also have our own plans and lives. But Lin Ruize believes that as the eldest son in the family, he has the obligation to let his family live a better life.
This conversation is still deeply imprinted in my mind:
"Isn't it time for us to think about our future, Rize?" I asked softly.
"Qianqian, I know what you mean. However, my brother is still studying, and my parents are old, so I can't leave them alone. Lin Ruize's tone was firm.
"But we also have to have our own home, our own life. "I tried to convince him.
"Qianqian, you don't understand. This is my responsibility and I cannot escape it. There was a hint of reproach in his words.
At that moment, I realized that the differences between us were not just a matter of money, but also a difference in values and lifestyles. I began to reflect on whether our love can really overcome these obstacles and move into the future.
In the spring of 2019, the season of recovery, Lin Ruize and I walked hand in hand on the streets of Nanjing, full of longing for the future.
We decided to get married, and I naively thought that my parents would be happy for our happiness, however, reality hit me hard.
It was a weekend afternoon, and the sun was shining through the curtains in the living room. I sat on the couch and nervously and expectantly announced our decision to my mother.
However, my mother's reaction was beyond my expectations, and there was no joy in her eyes, only deep worry.
"Qianqian, marriage is not child's play, the door is not right, you will encounter many problems in the future. "Mother's words were heavy, and every word was like a stone pressing down on my heart.
I was stunned and asked puzzledly, "Mom, aren't you and Dad also in free love? Aren't you very happy?"
Mother sighed, took my hand, and said earnestly, "Yes, your father and I are happy, but you don't know how much we have been through behind the scenes." Your grandparents, as well as those relatives and friends, they always come to trouble because of various things, although your father knows how to refuse, but the family is still inevitably chickens and dogs. ”
I was silent, my mother's concerns were not unfounded. I think of Lin's family, his parents, his younger brother, and his heavy sense of family responsibility.
I began to realize that the love between me and Lin Ruize may really be facing a huge test.
Just when I was struggling, my aunt suddenly introduced me to a subject. The other party's father is a civil servant, his mother is a teacher, and he has a monthly salary of 7,000 yuan, and he is the only child in the family.
My aunt's words echoed in my ears: "Qianqian, you have to think clearly, marriage is a lifelong thing, and you have to choose someone who can share the future with you." ”
My feelings got complicated. I began to secretly observe Lin Ruize, and found that he had already started to provide for his younger brother's education, and his parents stopped working when they were just over 50 and were completely dependent on him.
Whenever I mentioned this topic, Lin Ruize always said with a serious face: "Qianqian, this is my obligation, I can't ignore them." ”
At one point, I couldn't help but voice my concerns: "Ruize, we will also have our own families in the future, and we also need to plan for our own lives. ”
Lin Ruize's face suddenly became ugly, and he said a little angrily: "Qianqian, why did you become so ignorant? They are my family, I can't ignore them." ”
At that moment, I felt more disappointed and helpless than I had ever felt before. I began to wonder if the love between me and Lin Ruize could really withstand the test of reality.
I was deep in thought. I remembered my mother's words, my aunt's reminder, and Lin Ruize's persistence. I knew I had to make a choice, a choice about my future happiness.
I walked alone on the streets of Nanjing, full of confusion and uneasiness. I looked at the plane trees on the side of the road, they were tall and sturdy, standing tall and standing in the wind and rain. How I wish I could be like them, and be strong in the face of whatever difficulties come my way.
I think of the bits and pieces with Lin Ruize, those sweet times, and those days of working together. I know that I love him and love him deeply.
However, love is not the whole of life, marriage needs more than love, but also the understanding and support of both parties, as well as the courage and wisdom to face the challenges of life.
I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. The sky was blue, the sun was warm, and I knew that no matter what my choice was, life would go on. I need to be brave enough to face my heart and make the best choice for me.
I made an appointment to meet at a café we frequented. I sat by the window and watched his familiar figure come by, with mixed feelings.
"Ruize, let's talk. My voice trembled.
"Qianqian, what's wrong with you? Is it the pressure on you at home again?" Lin Ruize asked with concern.
I took a deep breath and plucked up the courage to say, "Ruize, I know you care about your family a lot, and I understand your sense of responsibility. However, we will also have our own families in the future, and we also need to plan for our own lives. ”
Lin Ruize's face suddenly became ugly, and he said a little angrily: "Qianqian, why did you become so ignorant? They are my family, I can't ignore them." ”
I looked at him with disappointment. I know that the differences between us are not only about money, but also about differences in values and lifestyles.
"Ruize, let's break up. "My voice was weak, but unusually firm.
Lin Ruize was stunned, he couldn't believe his ears: "Qianqian, what are you talking about? Didn't we say we were going to get married?"
I held back the tears in my eyes and said, "Ruize, our love is beautiful, but marriage needs more than love. There are so many differences in our expectations and plans for the future, and I don't want us to suffer in the future because of these differences. ”
Lin Ruize was silent, his eyes full of pain and incomprehension. I know it's a painful decision for us, but, I know, it's a good choice for all of us.
In the days after the breakup, the sky always seemed to be gray, and even the sunlight lost its temperature. I walked home alone, full of confusion and self-blame.
Lin Ruize's words echoed in my ears: "You will regret it, Qianqian, you will regret it." ”
When I got home, my mother's eyes were full of worry, she gently hugged me and whispered, "Child, I know you're sad, but you made the right decision." ”
I snuggled into my mother's arms, tears streaming down silently. I know that my mother is right, but my heart is still full of pain and reluctance.
Time passed like water, and in the blink of an eye, months passed. I try to keep myself busy, trying to fill the void in my heart with work and study. However, in the dead of night, Lin Ruize's figure would always involuntarily appear in my mind.
It wasn't until May Day that Li Ting told me that Lin Ruize was divorced, which scared me.
My heart tightened, and I pretended to be calm and asked, "Oh, yes, how is he now?"
Li Ting sighed and said, "I heard that he and his wife often quarrel over helping the family, and the family is in trouble. His wife thinks he cares too much about his family and doesn't care about his own small family. ”
I was stunned, and my heart was mixed. I remembered Lin Ruize's persistence, his sense of responsibility, and his dedication to his family. I tried to convince him, but in the end, we parted ways because of our different values.
I bowed my head silently, my heart full of mixed emotions. I used to love Lin Ruize, but I also knew that our differences were irreconcilable. I couldn't help but wonder, was I being too selfish?
However, when I looked up and saw the concerned eyes of my classmates, I suddenly understood my mother's painstaking feelings. My mother was not against me being with Lin Ruize, but worried that I would face the same troubles as her in the future.
She wanted me to find someone with whom I could face life's challenges, not someone who was leaving me in endless trouble.
I took a deep breath and looked up the window. It was already dark, but the stars in the distance still shimmered faintly.
I know that my love with Lin Ruize is a thing of the past. But I also know that life has to go on, and I need to face the future bravely and pursue my own happiness.
